10 Evidence-Based Strategies to Overcome Perfectionism
Breaking Free from the Perfectionism Trap
Perfectionism isn't just about high standards—it's a complex psychological pattern that can severely limit potential, damage relationships, and contribute to anxiety and depression. In our recent Deep Thinking podcast episode, "The Perfectionism Trap: Breaking Free from Impossible Standards," we explored this multidimensional challenge with insights from leading researchers and compelling real-world examples.
Below, we've distilled key research-backed strategies that can help you or someone you know break free from perfectionist patterns while maintaining healthy excellence. Each approach is grounded in the work of experts like Dr. Brené Brown, Drs. Gordon Flett and Paul Hewitt, and Professors Roz Shafran, Sarah Egan, and Tracey Wade.
The Perfectionism Trap: Breaking Free from Impossible Standards
The Strategies: From Research to Reality
1. Recognize Your Perfectionist Patterns
The Research: Professor Sarah Egan's work shows that self-awareness is the crucial first step in changing perfectionist behavior.
Practical Application: Keep a "perfectionism journal" for one week. Note situations that trigger perfectionist thinking, recording your thoughts, physical sensations, and behaviors that follow. Look for patterns: Do you abandon projects that aren't perfect? Obsessively check work? Avoid situations where you might not excel?
Transformation Example:
Before: Maria spent six hours on a three-paragraph email, rewrote it twelve times, and still felt dissatisfied when she sent it.
After: Maria recognized her pattern of overthinking communications and set a 20-minute time limit for drafting emails, accepting that "clear and professional" was her new standard instead of "flawless."
2. Challenge Dichotomous Thinking
The Research: Dr. David Burns identified "all-or-nothing" thinking as a core cognitive distortion in perfectionism.
Practical Application: Practice creating a spectrum rather than a binary. When you catch yourself thinking in terms of "perfect or worthless," create a 0-10 scale and rate your work. Acknowledge that 7/10 is still valuable.
Transformation Example:
Before: "If I can't get an A+ on this project, there's no point in submitting it at all."
After: "This project is about an 8/10. It meets the core requirements effectively and has some strong elements, though it could be improved with more time. An 8/10 still represents good work."
3. Set Microgoals and Celebrate Small Wins
The Research: Research from Professor Thomas Curran in "The Perfection Trap" shows that perfectionists often set overwhelming objectives that reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
Practical Application: Break larger goals into the smallest possible actionable steps. Each step should take no more than 30 minutes to complete. Crucially, celebrate each microstep completion regardless of the quality.
Transformation Example:
Before: "I need to write a perfect novel this year."
After: "Today I'll write 300 words of my story, regardless of quality, and consider it a win."
4. Use Time Limits Strategically
The Research: Studies by Professors Shafran, Egan, and Wade demonstrate that perfectionists often spend disproportionate time on diminishing returns.
Practical Application: Set strict time boundaries for tasks based on their actual importance, not their perceived importance in your mind. When the time is up, move on deliberately, regardless of whether the task feels "complete."
Transformation Example:
Before: Spending 4 hours organizing email folders while important project work remains untouched.
After: "I'll spend 15 minutes organizing emails, then move on to my project regardless of whether the organization feels complete."
5. Practice Self-Compassionate Self-Talk
The Research: Dr. Kristin Neff's research demonstrates that self-compassion is more motivating than self-criticism for sustainable behavioral change.
Practical Application: When you make a mistake or fall short of a standard, speak to yourself as you would a friend. Acknowledge the difficulty, connect it to common human experience, and offer encouragement without harsh judgment.
Transformation Example:
Before: "I can't believe I made that mistake in the presentation. I'm such an idiot. Everyone probably thinks I'm incompetent now."
After: "That mistake in the presentation was disappointing, but everyone makes errors occasionally, even experienced professionals. What can I learn from this for next time?"
6. Deliberately Practice Imperfection
The Research: Exposure therapy principles show that intentionally making small "mistakes" can reduce perfectionist anxiety over time.
Practical Application: Start with low-stakes situations where you deliberately do something "imperfectly." Send an email with a minor typo. Wear mismatched socks. Leave one item out of place in your home. Note the anxiety and see how it diminishes with practice.
Transformation Example:
Before: Spending 45 minutes proofreading every text message.
After: Challenging yourself to send texts without proofreading, noting that communication still happens effectively.
7. Separate Self-Worth from Performance
The Research: Drs. Flett and Hewitt's work shows that perfectionists often define their worth through achievement.
Practical Application: Create a list of what makes you valuable as a human being that has nothing to do with achievement or performance. Review this list daily, especially before or after situations where perfectionism is triggered.
Transformation Example:
Before: "I failed this test, which means I'm a failure as a person."
After: "This test didn't go well, but that's just information about this specific performance, not about my worth as a person."
8. Question Your Standards' Origins
The Research: Dr. Brené Brown's research reveals that many perfectionist standards are inherited or internalized from others rather than consciously chosen.
Practical Application: For each high standard you hold, ask: "Whose voice is this originally? Where did I learn this standard? Would I choose this standard for someone I love?"
Transformation Example:
Before: "I must always be working and productive or I'm wasting my life."
After: Recognizing this as your father's voice and consciously choosing: "I value rest and play as essential components of a meaningful life."
9. Create a Balanced Perspective on Feedback
The Research: Studies show perfectionists often fixate on negative feedback while discounting positive information.
Practical Application: Keep a "feedback journal" with three columns: Positive Feedback, Constructive Feedback, and Insights/Actions. Make sure to record and reflect on positive feedback just as diligently as areas for improvement.
Transformation Example:
Before: Receiving 9 compliments and 1 suggestion for improvement, but only remembering and ruminating on the improvement area.
After: Consciously recording all feedback and noticing: "90% of the feedback was positive, with one small area for growth."
10. Build a Recovery Protocol for Perfectionist Episodes
The Research: Professor Tracey Wade's work shows that having a pre-planned response to perfectionist episodes improves recovery time.
Practical Application: Create a 3-step personal protocol for when perfectionism strikes: 1) A physical reset (deep breathing, brief walk), 2) A cognitive intervention (specific questions to challenge perfectionist thoughts), and 3) A concrete next action to break paralysis.
Transformation Example:
Before: A perfectionist episode about a work project leads to days of rumination and avoidance.
After: Recognizing the perfectionist spiral beginning, implementing the recovery protocol, and returning to productive work within an hour.
From Strategies to Freedom
Remember that overcoming perfectionism isn't about becoming mediocre—it's about finding sustainable excellence that enhances rather than diminishes your life. As Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes, "Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: 'If I look perfect, live perfectly, work perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.'"
The strategies above help break this cycle by targeting the underlying beliefs and behaviors that maintain perfectionism. With practice, you can maintain high standards while releasing the rigidity, fear, and self-criticism that define unhealthy perfectionism.
Take Your Next Step
For a deeper dive into perfectionism and these evidence-based strategies, listen to our full podcast episode, "The Perfectionism Trap: Breaking Free from Impossible Standards," available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.
And don't miss our upcoming interview with Professor Tracey Wade, internationally recognized for her groundbreaking work on perfectionism, where we'll explore even more advanced strategies and the latest research.
Join the Conversation
Which of these strategies resonates most with your experience? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below, or connect with Dr. Steven Stolz on Instagram or LinkedIn.
📧 Need personalized guidance? Email us at deepthinking@stevenstolz.com
Dr. Steven Stolz is a researcher, educator, and host of the Deep Thinking podcast. His work focuses on making complex psychological concepts accessible and applicable to everyday life challenges.
